Quotes, Episode XII


Beacon9: triple ended dildo? not sure I've ever heard of those

electrica: how are you going to get three chicks on the end of a pitchfork, even padded?
electrica: not quite enough room
electrica: although you could make something LIKE a pitchfork i guess
slurple: well it would have to be a BIG pitchfork
slurple: oh baby
slurple gets wet
slurple: no wait
electrica: |__|__|__| something like that, in a circle
electrica: large circle
slurple: like a merrygoround
electrica: yeah!

electrica: mcguyvers ex gf said he wasn't anywhere near that inventive in bed

slurple: you could use a pump to gyrate the dildos
electrica: i'm not even concerned about gyration.
slurple: ok
electrica: just about sticking the dildos somewhere secure..
slurple: you animal you
electrica: the chix will handle the gyration.
slurple: maybe a peg on the wall
electrica: mmm.... nah
electrica: too uncomfortable and awkward
electrica: a peg in the floor maybe
slurple: god that's a funny visual
electrica: um, super glue it to a board with holes in it ? | o o o o |
electrica: them dildos go in them holkes
slurple: ok
electrica: and then ya glue the board with the dildos to the floor
electrica: nail maybe
slurple: they could make dildo chairs too
electrica: they make dildo bouncing balls
electrica: giant balls with dildos
slurple: the amazing magickal mystery vibrating dildo chair
electrica: could be fun but would annoy the downstairs neighbors ;)
slurple: well back to the paint stripper and the peg on the wall
electrica: paint stripper?
slurple: bare essentials
electrica: no, wait, i've got it!
electrica: ya stick double-ended dildos into four gals...
electrica: therefore providing a steady grounded surface for the four other gals...

KrimHum: I've never done anything sexual involving a whip. I'm eager to try, though. Both giving and receiving.

KrimHum: I had a girl on yahoo chat trying to make me her sub up till last week.
KrimHum: I decided to break it off, since she lived in Louisiana.
electrica: she was probably a 52 year old hairy man.

electrica: my cat has worms
electrica: wtf do i do?
slurple: feed it a garlic clove
slurple: and get some usnea tincture at the health food store to mix with water/food
slurple: that's what ya do for dogs anyhoo
slurple: oh, and try to keep the shit off the floor
electrica: shit?
slurple: i'm sure you've figured thaty one ouyt
slurple: the wormy shit
electrica: ugh...
electrica: i havent seen many actually.. he's made a shit on the floor once, and my ex says he saw a worm hanging off kitty's ass
electrica: so i kicked him out to the stairwell and the smoking room
teckyong: kicked your ex or the kitty?
electrica: i can't really think of what else to do.. i don't want worms all over my stuff

AlephCult: I can do everything else a religious official of any faith is permitted to do now
electrica: like fuck altar boys?

slurple: but now i'm at #thee_vortex pics making sure no one is exploiting pics of me in thew shower
KrimHum: Can't be too careful.
slurple: i have to be on guard for such activities you know
slurple: well, there's electrica looking like she wants to eat me
slurple: well isn't that special

KrimHum: Now you can be a Discordian Pope AND a ULC Minister, all from the comfort of your own home.

AlephCult: Woden: get up off your ass and invoke something then
slurple: arm chairs are good for dreaming
veleda: tie yourself to a tree for nine days..
Woden: No, i could invoke something if i wanted,
veleda: that is what they all say... ; P
Beacon9: then make a servitor
AlephCult: then do it. right now
Woden: thats not the problem
Beacon9: okay, let's try this another way
Beacon9: if you wanted to do something magickally, what would it be?
Woden: the problem is that its like i live under a pair of witch-hunters

veleda tries to forget the whole sex situation...
electrica: sex? where?

electrica: i got laid today, but it may have been a mistake.

slurple has changed the topic to Today on #thee_vortex, You did WHAT with my exbest buddy who wants to get a handgun and come after me??????

Woden: I have to put my mind on other things
Woden starts looking for a spear and a yew tree

electrica: a good way for a girl allergic to cats to get a yeast infection is to masturbate.
slurple notes this to masturbate over later

Beacon9: it helps if one learn how to control their sexual energy

AlephCult: I can marry people and shit

Squink: 11 hours later and we're STILL talking about not having sex?

AlephCult: All this talk of marriage you guys brought up is depressing me.

cidal: you all suck.

cidal has changed the topic to welcome to #thee_vortex, undernet's hottest dating channel!

AlephCult needs to meet some people somehow... (and I don't plan continued discussion on this)

electrica: writing a ditty, afk
teckyong: what's a ditty?
teckyong: sounds dirty...

slurple: oh electrica
slurple: touch ME
slurple bares his virtual chest
slurple: ok ignore my bared chest
slurple: my erectile quivering purple nipples
elecdream: i think i'd rather pay attention to my hard vibrator.
elecdream: welll... my hard dildo.. cuz the vibratin' part is broke.

Bkwyrm: DATING channel?

zTome: Mercutio^: I could give you false hopes, but instead I will fart on your nose.
Mercutio^>: what archaic repsonse is this ? Is it still 1967 ?
zTome: Mercutio^: Yes.

Arawyn has changed the topic to I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower

BenwayMD: How do you get zEgg to give you ops, Aleph?
BenwayMD: Must I offer him the services of one of my orifices?

BenwayMD: What does it take to get some sympathy around here. Geez!

BenwayMD: ztome have you seen my future?
zTome: I haven't seen your damn future, now shut up.
BenwayMD: What a bastard.
AlephCult: Damn that IRC bot for not knowing your future
BenwayMD: It is not the answer I found offensive but the manner of his reply.
AlephCult: ztome will I ever get laid ever again ?
AlephCult: will I ever get laid ever again ?
zTome: AlephCult: Yes, and by "yes" i mean "no."
AlephCult: see, it can tell the future

Seek0: Heh, oh, hey, Aleph, I met someone.
Seek0: And not THAT way, dork.
Seek0: But - you'd be pretty surprised who...
AlephCult: indeed?
AlephCult: whom???
Seek0: Indeed.
Seek0: Ask Veleda.
Seek0: Ciao.
AlephCult: HEY!
AlephCult: !!!
AlephCult: TELL ME!
AlephCult: If it ended up being Rhea or something, I'd have to go over there and kill him.

AlephCult has never been to a party at all, so he wouldn't know how to gauge them
triskele: whoa whoa howa
triskele: you've NEVER been to a PARTY?
AlephCult: nope
AlephCult chokes back tears

Beacon9: I left Sim City 2000 on all night
Beacon9: woke up and it was the year 19000 or so, and the budget was 1.5 million dollars richer :)
threejane: nice
DrKabal: gates can make a billion in a day and it took you 17000 years for 1.5 mill?

zallak: who's gregory corso?
slurple: some dead guy apparently
threejane: i can't believe nobody has heard of gregory corso!
threejane is SHOCKED

zallak: i love naked sweaty guys

Fotamecus: I wonder what everyone here is doing?
Fotamecus starts playing bongo in hope to wake everyone up

slurple: shits n giggles
Fotamecus: Just go to #thee_vortex home page for your shit n giggles

Augoras: I suspect that some #thee_vortex members have only 1 limb.

slurple: wow. stretching my armpits gives me a fresh feeling like never before.

NpK: I saw my first real American 20 dollar bill today, with the white house and everything on it. I feel so special

Dakarren: "hasslehoff" is a good fight sequence sound
Dakarren: I forgot where I heard that used as a fight sequence sound
Dakarren: definately not Knight Rider
AlephCult: another good sound effect is "AAAGGH! JESUS, I'M BLEEDING!! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!"

electricl: i met this girl today
electricl: she was a good catholic girl
electricl: and i was wearing my huge inverted cross neckelace
AlephCult: heh
electricl: sooooooooooooooo
electricl: she was giving me the eye
electricl: until she saw my jewelry :)
AlephCult: Well I met this girl the other night...
AlephCult: no wait tonight....
AlephCult: no wait, I never met anyone
electricl: i was like.. fuck! i can pretend to be a good girl for her!
Beacon9: if she's a lesbian, why would she care if you have an inverted cross?
Beacon9: of course, those all girl catholic schools can do that to a chick :)

bluelady: all i can think is... pussy.. pussyyy.. pusssssyyyyy...

AlephCult: My drug history: Marijuana... ONCE! YIPPEE THAT"S SO FUN, HURRAY, YAY, YAHOO! SOBER IS FUN!!!

onelove: I can feel it coming!!!
Arawyn: Turn off your batteries, one

AlephCult: So you're saying I should tolerate children so I can use them for my own means?

AlephCult decides to use his religious authority to bless #thee_vortex, using thee Holy Word...
AlephCult: FUCK!

AlephCult: And of course I'm a Discordian pope: Kaine of the BLUE MONOLITH, Galactic Dream Lover of the Zebra-striped Yo-Yo

ult: HTF do you stop obsessing over something?
threejane: the same way you quit smoking or any other habit
threejane: replace the habit with something new
ult: threejane: *sigh* being sick and couped up does not help matters.
threejane: true
threejane: but you are a mighty chaos mage
threejane: you'll figure it out

ult: IRL I tend to have a very tight asshole

AlephAway: it SUCKED
Woden: what sucked?
AlephCult: Woden: somone suggested I go to this one cafe because supposedly something interesting goes on saturday night
AlephCult: But it was lame
Woden: what was it?
AlephCult: Just a bunch of people a minimum of 5 years older than me talking while techno played in the background
AlephCult: I sat there for about 5 minutes then walked out

zal_RAW: is it sane to play with grenades that explode forever?

Drasko: another mute?
Arawyn: Yeah, but I can still type.

Blue_Rat: Kat must be busy enjoying herself
Arawyn: apparently.
Blue_Rat: somewhere up in the Smoke
Arawyn: Likely with Sally D.
Blue_Rat: ah, sally d...
Blue_Rat: all hearsay
Blue_Rat: haven't done it
Drasko: i've done it
Blue_Rat: maybe I shoulfd ask infek for some
Drasko: and i have it
Blue_Rat: lovely Drasko
Drasko: cant seem to get anything too usefull from it
Blue_Rat: ever considered sending some over to Russia? :)
Drasko: not really...
Drasko: i can try to magickly teleport some to you
Drasko: did you get it?
Blue_Rat: oh?
Blue_Rat looks under the monitor
Blue_Rat looks into his pockets
Blue_Rat: right
Drasko: shit... i tried

zallak: women are fickle

Blue_Rat: work is a four-letter word... especially if you can't find one...

threejane: california haan't paid British Columbia for the hydro we send them
threejane: we are not amused
threejane: we should invade cali and take all the oranges
threejane: that would learn them some manners

AlephCult: By the powers handed to me on the back of a coctail napkin by Eris Discordia, I hereby announce you all completely free... and married for the next 20 minutes.

beast77: cool, does that mean I get to sleep with Jane?
ult: orgy at janes house!!!
AlephCult: YAY!
threejane: wait a minute!

ult: I want to know wtf I can't get aroused.

threejane: which demon in the goetia has tentacles?
ult: no tentacles, but I'd have a footlong penis

AlephCult: well a lot of demons have horns or tails they coud use...

threejane: rule number one in occult activities: try to avoid police attention

AlephCult: Bel-Alil: invoke the cleansing powers of wind and water to purify her :P
Bel-Alil: How about the cleansing powers of sperm?
AlephCult: Bel-Alil: you're right, that's a better way. Do that. A LOT just to be thorough

AlephCult: what, exactly, do you have at stake?
Bel-Alil: Aleph: Everything. The survival of the Universe depends on me

Bel-Alil: But wouldn't it be more fun to utterly annihilate his soul?

triskele: I smoked pot for the first time last night.
AlephCult: damn it! why does everyone always rub that in!?

AlephCult: fuck I hate being sober
AlephCult: hate it hate it hate it
AlephCult: hate it
AlephCult: It's so hard to find anything to do that gives me pleasure

Bel-Alil: I think I will create a servitor whos sole purpose is to scream 'BINGO!" at random moments in bingo halls

NpK: I was creating a servitor in a crystal, and was carring the crystal around to "get to know" the entity. then, I lost the crystal
Dakarren: so, your new servator ran away?
NpK: or I lost him. I think he did not like me. I made him to much.
NpK: I wish he would come home.


AlephCult has been sober for 19 years... out of 19... and it pisses him off...

ult: And I want my erections back.
THRAKAZOG does his best to give ult a hardon

AlephCult hasn't gotten high for over 166440 hours

Augoras: let's watch the language, folks
bluelady watches it
bluelady recoils.
AlephCult: can you think of anything more profane?
bluelady: censorship
AlephCult: yeah, but if GWB has his way
Augoras: I think gwb is a great thing.
Augoras: he will encourage more revolution

bluelady: and i hate programming.
Augoras: html is basicaly designed so a 10 year old could learn it
bluelady: didn't make it past drooling-level BASIC.
bluelady: but HTML, I mastered.

AlephCult: I'm a COCK. check out my horoscope. do you think that sounds like me?

zallak: i don't wat a webpage
zallak: wat
zallak: wannnnnt
Augoras soothes zallak and helps him with his typing crisis
Augoras: okay zal...
zallak: :)
Augoras: you don't have to have a webpage.
zallak: thanx
zallak: i know
Augoras: we'll just assume you're a creepy secretive git'ard chaote
zallak: someday when i can put some shit up that people will actually get something out of i will
zallak: git'ard?

Augoras: btw, anyone notice the wars on #thelema tonite???
Augoras: it's full blown anarchy there.
AlephCult goes to take a look
Augoras: people changing the channel & spouting noise.
Augoras: oops, changing the "topic" repeatedly, not the channel.

Augoras: woden, you and zallak always ask funny questions.

Woden: LXXVII:23:93 where Hastur said, `In my unspeakable name, they shall cast Cthulhu's tentacle out of their rectum.

Drasko: where do you live?
zEgg: somewhere out on the WEB i guess Drasko
slurple: there ya have it

slurple: know where you stand when the shit hits the fan and the bullets start flying
slurple: shit splatters, you know

CatZ^>: tarot sucks a bit

threejane: sex isn't hard to get

zma: Basically, what you need to do is to go up to some man uglier than you and say "come with me". Personally, for you, thats another story, I agree.

zma: Its hard being a nice single male, tho ;-)
zma: You have the old "Once a woman meets you, she is so happy youre not an asshole that she wants to become your friend and discuss the assholes they have sex with" syndrome
threejane: yuk

zallak: black metal sounds like this
zallak: so am i
zallak: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
zallak: grrr
zallak: grrr
zallak: grr
zallak: boom
zallak: boom
zallak: boom
zallak: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
zma: frashfrashfrashfrash
zallak bows

Seek0: For such a little asshole, he does have some good oneliners.
Arawyn: so, how do you know that he's got such a little asshole?
Seek0: heh, well, more like he's told me about how many different ways he'd like to take me in the ass.

zallak: is there a big difference between a $20 a dollar wand and a $50 dollar one?
Arawyn grins
Arawyn: Yeah, 30 $
Arawyn: You could buy a 3rd world country for that.

AlephCult: Seek0: WHO DID YOU MEET?
Arawyn: You still don't know? :)
Seek0: hahaahahaha...
AlephCult: No, vel never replied
Arawyn grins
Seek0: Lephty, some things just can't be answered in words.
AlephCult: yes they can, seek....
AlephCult: awaryn: don't be a bastard like seek! tell me!
Arawyn: Hmm, how about a little divination, Aleph? ;=)
AlephCult: please guys
AlephCult: I'll never find out if you don't tell me
Arawyn: Aren't you supposed to be a mage?
AlephCult: awary: yeah but not a detective!
Arawyn: Heh, MageDetective AlephCult :)
AlephCult: awaryn: okay fine. But if I ever saw you about to be brutally murdered, I'd remember this and avoid helping.
Seek0 sticks out his tongue at Lephty.
AlephCult: why are you guys being like this? seriously, G?
Arawyn: how far progressed are your plans to come to Austria, Aleph?
AlephCult: Um, I have no plans to come to austria.
Arawyn: You'll have to if you want to see me brutally murdered
AlephCult: Not if you ever came here
Arawyn: IIRC you're at the arse end of the world where nothing ever happens. What should I do there?
AlephCult: 'cause you're pissing me off
Arawyn: So, did you do your divination, Aleph?
AlephCult: awaryn: blow me
Arawyn: Hmm, would you be up to my standards?
AlephCult: Awaryn: do you seriously know who it is that seek met? I'm not asking for a name, just, do you really know?
Arawyn: 'course I know
AlephCult: Then I can only assume it's one person. I'm probably wrong, but the way it's being handled suggests...
Arawyn: One of the people he met at any rate.
Arawyn: suggests what?
AlephCult: I'm not going to say who i think it is
onelove: one question: who cares who Seek met??? :)
AlephCult: onelove: because the way he said it to me makes it have something to do with me. And he said he can't tell ME, but awaryn knows
Arawyn: Did Seek tell you what they did?
AlephCult: Arawyn: no, nothing
Arawyn: Hmm, then I'd better not say.
AlephCult: Fucking A, man
Arawyn: Aleph, there's that old technique to peel an apple and toss the stuff behind you. It will then spell out the name.
Arawyn: of course it only works if the name in question is sllslslslslsls
AlephCult: awaryn: No divination I've ever tried is accurate enough to tell me

Arawyn: Hey Squink, does your government still hand out the British Stamp of Excellence?

ult: i can't find my razor.
ult: lets see if i can get a hardon now.

ult: onelove is not too bright.
Arawyn: We could enlighten him
Arawyn gets out his lighter
onelove: you could, please do...
onelove: ENLIGHTEN, not LIGHT
Arawyn sets fire to onelove
ult: where is my lighter?

ult: first i lose my hardon then i lose my razor! my life sucks! :D

AlephCult: If you really want to say "fuck off, I'm never going to tell you ever, you piece of shit", then just say it, awaryn.
Arawyn: Nah, I'm not that cruel.
AlephCult: later folks. You suck, Awaryn. :P
Arawyn: And good at that so I'm told.

Squink: ult how the hell is having a razor gonna give you a hardon?
ult: Squink: uh, it's not.
ult: Squink: But I haven't shaved in a while and I'm getting to looking pretty nasty.
Arawyn: Maybe if she's saying that either you get one RIGHT NOW or I'll cut it off
ult: Arawyn: I don't think I'd have a penis for too long if that happened.
Arawyn: Still that problem?
ult: yeah
ult: but i'm working on it right now actually
Arawyn: Magickally or viagra?
ult: magickally
ult: well
ult: psychologically
ult: yep
ult: it worked
Arawyn: proof?
ult: Proof :D
ult: I think I may be able to get proof some time soon :D
Arawyn: jeez soaked keyboard?
ult: no not that.
Arawyn: or will we have to wait 9 months?

Arawyn: You lost it?
ult: Yeah.
ult: I actually almost got completely hard.
ult: shit
Arawyn: Then it shouldn't be a problem to repeat it.
ult: kinda funny
ult: i'm talking about this with a bunch of weirdos on IRC :D
Dinner: hey who said anything about weird :)
Dinner: crazy maybe, but certainly not weird
ult: foo.
Arawyn: Crazy is when you ask our resident virgins for advice on sex.

ult: I found my razor.
ult: And it's not all OK

Alaris: man some of the things that come out of your nasal cavity when your ill are far more frighting than some of the demons ive read about

triskele: tell me something I don't know, you cheap crap ass infernal stars?

triskele: no! this aspect shows me being irrational. that is nothing new either...god, and there is that word agaiN! I KNOW I AM FUCKING EMOTIONAL! AAAGHHH!

AlephCult: my astrology has never been right. not once
triskele: Mine is too right, and now it's starting to piss me off!

triskele: Today during the day you may feel like being alone with your thoughts and feelings. Your mood is not usually bad or depressed, you simply desire to be calm and reflective. But you are probably not in the mood for frivolity. You prefer the company of serious people, if any, and you want the conversation to be about important topics.
triskele: sounds like EVERY DAY

KrimHum: Satan does my laundry.

triskele: Hello, I'm Angelina, the anti-christ. Delighted to eat- er, meet you! Would you care to stay for dinner ? *licks lips*

Augoras: do you know how much it hurt him to see those hamsters struggle in the laundry?
triskele: poor gerbils
triskele thinks of what a machinewashed gerbil might look like.

triskele: I dunno if I could be another persona other than my bouncy happy triskele mask.
Augoras: triskie, INVOKE dear, INVOKE
triskele invokes lotsa shit
triskele: Clovis shivers in my bedroom
triskele: because I have five to ten little buggers crawling around at any given time
AlephCult: triskele: there shouldn't be buggers around from invoking stuff
triskele: maybe it is evoking.
triskele: hmm
triskele: which brings up...maybe I've never really successfully invoked.
triskele: what should a successful invokation consist of?
AlephCult: triskele: you end up possessed by the godform or spirit or whatever
KrimHum: A successful invocation has you forget yourself and totally be someone/thing else.
AlephCult: It's a weird thing to hear your voice and it not be your voice :P
triskele: ooh! I HAVE had that
triskele: I invoked the Morrigan
triskele: god she was a bitch

AlephCult: veleda: who did Seek meet?
veleda: i have no idea at all.
AlephCult: :(
veleda smiles
AlephCult: I'm gonna kick seek's ass

Seek0: Use your own divination skills, Lephty.
AlephCult: Seek0: wtf is this with divination??

Seek0: Aleph, Do as you will.
AlephCult: Seek0: didn't crowley also say "suck me"?
zTome: AlephCult: HIGHLY UNLIKELY!

Dakarren: if someone were to make a servator which would spread happiness, and make people less depressed, i bet it'd be shot down
triskele: the wiccans have alreayd taken care of the angel for us, Dak.
triskele: you overlook that.
Dakarren: well, its not working
slurple: wiccans take care of shit?
triskele: well they've created tons of fluffy happyness-spreading entities.
slurple: haven't noticed too much of that these past couple recorded millenia

AlephCult: Beacon11: trisk has created a servitor of chaos, revenge, mind control, and psionics that she is experimentally attempting to ascend to a godform
Dakarren: hm.. perhaps I should try that experiment.. make a happy-nicy-nice-positive servator, of understanding, non-depression and such, ask people to help raise it to godhood, and then prepare my shields to stop incoming chaos-bolts people will send to smite me

DrKabal: I'm beginning to think that people come to this room when they want to meditate
DrKabal: or live up to their vow of silence

Seek0: What's up rectum raider

ult: Mercutio: Some weird chick was looking for you.
Mercutio^>: who was that ?
Mercutio^>: Kat ?

cidal: YOU GUYS
cidal: mary wanna.
cidal: faggots.
cidal: i'll kill you all.
CatZ^>: go for it you batty fuck!

cidal: fuck you.
cidal: lord please show me the way

Augoras: the first step towards immortality is first living a life worth remembering.

<SeekClean: <-- This guy is away - REASON: User is cleaning their hideously disgusting abode. It would be advised that you disturb user only if prior written consent has been obtained from your friendly neighborhood CDC

Mercutio^>: seek ?
SeekClean: Don't talk to me, Shitbucket.

Mercutio^>: It doesn't have to be like this.
Mercutio^>: We can play nicely.
Mercutio^>: I don't really particularly want to make beautiful love to you.
Mercutio^>: yeah I want to know what I have done wrong.

cidal: s'buh iw'l vae foc
cidal: t'le subh ic'dhpam
cidal: hfg't pis'fo truce
cidal: tge srucblpani ofh'v
cidal: g'p bs'r kg'f wlio't mhnu crae

zEgg fucks Dakarren in the ass.
Dakarren: whoa. whats with the egg?
AlephCult: what egg?
Dakarren: I've been violated!
Jebus111 fucks zEgg in the ass.
Dakarren is sharpening his fire-dagger
AlephCult: Dakarren: what the hell? violated by an egg?
Dakarren: it wasnt pleasant
AlephCult shuffles away nervously

Seek0IVOX: It's just creepy.
AlephCult: okay...
cidal: like your mom

slurple: you could do the loveable story of a boy and his pet shoggoth
KrimHum: Pet shoggoths are always popular. *nod, nod*
triskele: I should do one about cthulu.
triskele: I want something twisted.

slurple: i think carrey might do ok in a hardcore action/drama flick
THRAKAZOG: or hardcore porn/art flick

KrimHum: Spoon!
triskele: spoon?
triskele: someone said spoon!
triskele: whatsaboutaspoon?
KrimHum: There is no Spoon. There is only Cthulhu.

Augoras: btw, #thelema is a good channel tonight if you want to see mindless stupidity & nastiness.

Alaris: you have a 94% chance at having a less than average length penis

Alaris: Im a cunt, and im proud of it.

triskele: do you think JEsus is a funny name for a doberman?

AlephCult goes to sit in the corner alone and will spit acid in the face of anyone who bothers him
threejane: cool
threejane avoids aleph
triskele debates tapping Aleph on the shoulder.
triskele decides she likes her facial feature intact

Woden: (Just try it with a girl)
AlephCult: Woden: I can't
Woden: oh yeah i forget, your about as anatomicly correct as a ken doll (j/k)

AlephCult: god what the hell is wrong with me
Woden: How the hell am i supposed to know! if i did, i wouldn't be here, thats for damn sure!

AlephCult: ./ignore slurple
slurple is deeply wounded

AlephCult: DrKabal: Are you going to say anything useful, or simply something vaguely insulting?

Augoras: Yes, condom usage is mandatory, even for oral sex, by law of the State of Nevada. Interesting, how some ladies manage to make putting on the condom such a sensual experience...
Augoras: I should be fair and say that everyone has a bad day every so often, and the job that Nevada's ladies perform is a very tough one. Yeah, guys, how would you like to have sex with just any woman that came along, regardless of her age, appearance, or behaviour? Yech!
Augoras: But are they happy? I've heard Dr. Joyce Brothers say that there is no such thing as the "Happy Hooker". Well, I'm an expert on this, and the truth is that half or so probably aren't all that happy but stay in this line of work because of the money (but then isn't that true of most professions?). Of the remainder, most are reasonably happy and a few are very well-adjusted indeed, love their work, and are a pleasure to be around. 

electrica was refused tonight for the first time in two years.

Augoras: She's only there for the very beginning - to teach me how to do "dick check." That's where I check the client's penis for visible symptoms of STDs. Once John and I decide on a price for a blow job and intercourse, Starlet spreads a towel on the bed and asks John to drop his trousers.

Augoras: drk, he's been complaining so long about his life that I stopped wondering about these things.
DrKabal: me too
Augoras: drk, surely he's bringing himself to a point of a bigger crisis -- hopefully a transformational one
DrKabal: in my humble opinion, I believe he will come right up to the thresh-hold and then back off again

Riordan: Oh baby...reanimate my skull!

Augoras: Its your perogative to come to the channel to bitch & moan & never add anything?
Mercutio^>: no thats yours.
Mercutio^>: Sorry if I am treading on your toes.
Augoras: please do.
Augoras: want to compare notes on rituals we've done lately? or is that too close to magick to interest u?
Mercutio^>: no its too close to talking to you to interest me.
Augoras: fine then. piss off.
Riordan: jesus christ..it's a friggin' internet chatroom... not the Geneva conference
Augoras: rior, if you can't have fun here then where can ya have fun?
Augoras winks
Riordan: lol
Mercutio^>: I don't know... your mother's bedroom ?

Dakarren: old michael jackson songs were good to.. before he went totally white and gay

electrica: my 1/4 albino friend sarah is esquisitely beautiful.
Augoras: 1/4 albino?????
Augoras: wtf???
Riordan: How the hell can you be a quarter albino... is only her left upper torso white or something?

Seek0: Heh. #witches is a joke.

electrica: hey, what has two legs and bleeds profusely?
Augoras: what?'
Seek0: A fresh eunich?
Seek0: Your mom?
Seek0: An old mayan altar?
electrica: half a cat

electrica: what's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
Dakarren: a bat!
electrica: a blonde electrician

Dakarren: is who streight?
electrica: augorie's san fran ass. :)
Augoras: yes. I am straight and straight from san fran
electrica: huh.. a rarity

Dakarren: howcum we rarely talk about magick here?

Dakarren: im thinking of making a spirit entity to promote general happiness, wipe away depression and gloom, and create and show people hidden blessings in their misfortunes

CatZ^>: its not good when people run this like its their channel

zma: The idea is that this was a free channel, at least it used to be, where if you didnt like people, you ignored them. Slurple: What is that? Where is it based?

#thee_vortex: mode change '-ooo Artemis} Beacon9 cidal ' by zma
zEgg (siv@ kicked zma off #thee_vortex. (Mass deop. Go sit in a corner.)

Seek0 has changed the topic to Today's Words of Wisdom: cidal: kill people.

BenwayMD: I AM caffeine.

BenwayMD: I would sleep with you all.
BenwayMD: Even Zos.
Seek0IVOX: eeew.

triskele: I haven't harrassed a good newbie since...ZLivingo

Mimir: you get a lot of sods in here?

triskele: You are the most intelligent newbie I've seen walk in here yet.


triskele: CAn I just be a bitch in genereal for gender's sakes?
AlephCult: Only if I get to be a Lesbian Gutterslut

Mimir: Do you have a lot of dumbass regulars?

zallak: show me yer tits!

Alaris: Everyone else is trying to call aleph's presence.
zosX: why do we want HIM around? ;)

Alaris: Has he been depressed lately?
zosX: lately?
zosX: how about ALL THE TIME? ;)

zallak: if current 93 wasn't so anti-christian they could easily be one of my most favorite bands

KrimHum: Yeah. I did the sigil tattoo thing, been watching that. Also been working on "get me laid, damn you Universe!" magick. Noticed a rise in female activity, but no.. um.. results yet.

Mimir: What's the Zee-House?
triskele: a house. with zees in it.
Mimir: Z-Node hq?
triskele: coming to a town near you. (or not near you, depends where you live.)

triskele: I don't understand how women couldhave voted George Clooney best looking man alive.
triskele: He's UGLY!
triskele: then again, women are stupid.

luc3nt: Heheh, Bkwyrm is threatening me with bodily harm if Sighris moves here
KrimHum: I'd be afraid, lucent. Booky is short, but I bet she can get mean. :P
luc3nt: And she mentioned something about a baseball bat, and she wasn't trying to be kinky either

Beacon9: I hope you finally figured out how to use your camera, lucent

electrica: 'who's my secret crush? register now and find out'.

KrimHum: I have a crush on Seek, too.
KrimHum: Or I did. For about 5 minutes.

KrimHum: heh. I've got my computer doing mantras for me every day on a schedule.

electrica: i meditate during sex and since i've become rather prominscuous as of late ..

triskele: I am turning into the stereotypical zee. Lots of IRC, no sex, and mean.

triskele: Hello, My name is triskele and I am the antichrist
electrica: my name is electrica and i'm a sex maniac
triskele: hi, my name is Angelina, and I am triskele's real life alter-ego. I kinda hide back here.
KrimHum: heh. My name is Krim and I don't really exist.
slurple: all i do is smoke crack and worship satan
Seek0: Hello, My name is Travis, and Seek(0) is my angelic nature.
Dakarren: I like puppies
AlephCult: My name is Aleph, and I don't know what I can say right here.
KrimHum: I'm an Ego-construct of some greater Barry-named being.
electrica: i'm leanna and anna lee.
KrimHum: om leanna lee om
slurple: i am actually the blue ranger
slurple: but y'all gotta keep that one reeeeaaal hush hush
AlephCult: My name is Aleph, and I'm sleeping with at least 12 goddesses right now. sadly no humans.
Seek0 zips it.
Seek0 rattles his fly at KrimHum.
Dakarren: My name is Dakarren, and I like sharp objects... droooooool

Dakarren: group hug and crying time?
KrimHum: crying? I was thinking orgy.

KrimHum: I used to melt ants with a magnifying glass.

Seek0: Umm.. I like doggie style?
Dakarren: my doggie does that to cats


Dakarren: all right, who killed the converstation
Dakarren mumbles angrily as he goes to the store room to get another

AlephCult: Seek0: so you decide to insult me when I don't find everything as marvelous as you?
Seek0: You love to find inconsistencies and personal insults in everything, don't you?
Seek0: The inconsistancies part is lovely.
Seek0: The other is a sure fire sign of insecurity.

teckyong: Nuts mages are Nature worshippers. Especially inclined towards squirrels. Hence the term Nutters.

cidal: lucifer is always trying to getup on my shit
cidal: and then she poops in my room
cidal: and her butt is stinky

zosX: what should I do with my girl tonight?
zosX: I need to come up with a fun and exciting idea
zosX: other than sex
SQ|phone: deathly trance! deathly trance! deathly trance!

NpK is happy, he got his long awaited check today. Now he can go out and have a life

cidal: all hot chicks should die.

Beacon9: mages don't escape the flames of hell...they learn how to ride them.

AlephCult: It's not the fire and brimstone in hell that are so bad. It's the shade of pink the walls are painted
Beacon9: aleph: the walls are painted pink because the color is proven to weaken people so they'll be less able to escape. Although I'm sure that people like www.godhatesfags.com have their own theories. :)

threejane: a nine year old gave me the quote of the day
slurple: oh yeah?
threejane: yeah. it has the quality of a koan
threejane: or something ...
threejane: actually he is 8
slurple: oh, ok
slurple: i see
slurple: you get your wit from 8 year olds

AlephCult: sophia is the feminine aspect of the christ spirit (roughly), aye?
Beacon9: I guess that's one way of describing her
Beacon9: when I first met her, she sort of resembled Trinity from The Matrix
AlephCult: well I didn't picture her as bearded in a toga :P

slurple: lemme bust a nut and i'll be right with you
slurple: oh fuck, wrong window

slurple: i hear 7 inches is supposed to be average'
slurple: tho i've found usually 7 can be made into at least an 8 or so...

slurple: ~you lost that luvin feeeeeeeelin.....whoooooa that luuuuvin feeeeelin....whooooaa that luuuuuuvin feeeelin now it's gone, gone, gone....whooooooaaaaoooooooaaaaaa~

electrica: the clit is my favorite atonomical feature on a human as well
AlephCult: electrica: I'd try and be gentle :)
electrica: guys seem to think the clit is RIGHT above the pussy hole
electrica: and while that's a sensitive area, it's not if it's poked and prodded too roughly for too long
electrica: some guys think it's on the side for some obscene weird reason
slurple: i might go off on the nipples a wee bit, but i'm usually pretty happy everywhere else ;)
electrica: some guys think it's UNDER the hole for some even weirder more obscure reason
slurple: man you must get with some drunk ass monukkas electrica
electrica: some guys don't even get to the clit and just ram their tongue in the hole
slurple: some chicks like that every now and again
electrica: nah, dude, it's actually a relatively good sample of he male population
AlephCult: electrica: well blame it on public schools never mentioning the clit
electrica: my health teacher used to say things like "girls dont haev any sensation in the vagina at all"

electrica: anyway.. if you look closely at THAT... you'll notice that the top half of the inner lips has a different texture to it..a delicate ridge, like <<, the lips sloping around down FROM it and around the hole..
electrica: and the << is the head.. the most sensitive part.
electrica: on second thought.. it's more like <-<<..
electrica: now, if you zoom in on her pussy two times or so.. you'll notice what we term 'outer lips' framing the 'inner lips'..
electrica: and if you look even closer...you'll see the head of the clit peeking out just a little bitty bit from between the slopes of the clit hood..

beast77 has arrived
Arawyn: I've noticed that.
Arawyn throws a bone at beast

ult: Can someone tell me what is going on so I can have something else to obsess over aside from my own fucking psychosis?

zma bows his farewells to thee_vortex.
ult pats zma on the head
ult: byebye then
Arawyn: the gene pool in that particular case seems to be soured by BSE.

zma: If you cant cope with rudeness except in a exclusive manner, you have become old ladies.
ult: i know I'm an old lady.
zma wants to push his luvrod up yer arse
ult: I want you to push your luvrod up my arse too.
Daedalus_ bends over
Arawyn: Send a pic and we may discuss this.

ult: Last night someone made fun of me for putting lots of sour cream on my hot dogs.
ult: I was not pleased.
Arawyn: Did you stuff that hot dog up his arse?
ult: And no, I didn't.
ult: He's too cute to have a hotdog stuffed up his arse.

Arawyn: Everything in here revolves only about bitching that they don't get laid <g:
ult: But...I don't get laid!

ult: Maybe a shotgun up the arse and pulling the trigger will do it. What do you think
Arawyn: something like that. They have two holes tho. you might want to do those at the same time

ult: Ben!
ult: Just in time to listen to me bitch
ult: Hey Ben, fix my obsession.
ult: Maybe you can help
BenwayMD: Tell me about the obsession and I'll tell you whether it is worthy.

BenwayMD: I've always found the squishy bit atop a babies cranium to be rather kinky.

BenwayMD: I recall one anatomist becoming very cross with me when I interrupted his talk on the peritoneum wwith the interjection: "Fuck me Fuck me Fuck me! Harder, Shiva! Again! Oh! Oh! Aaaah!".

Seek0: If you want your own channel, or a PAZ/TAZ channel, then go create one.
zosX: seek0: I've had enough of this "if you don't like it, get your own channel"

Squink: i want.. sex.

BenwayMD: I want to be a lesbian.
Squink: so do i
AlephCult: me too
Squink: that'd be soo cool.
BenwayMD: No. Wait. I tell a lie. I want to be a lesbian warrior princess.
Squink: nah i just want to be a good looking lesbian :)
electrica: i want to be a lesbian
AlephCult: I want to be a lesbian sex slave (who would get to choose her master)

BenwayMD: My pineal gland is throbbing.
BenwayMD: It is rather arousing.
AlephCult: so that's your pet name for it, huh? ;)
BenwayMD: No, no. My penis is referred to as Frater P

triskele: hey! since when do YOU get to marry a goddess.
triskele: i want one too now :P
AlephCult: triskele: get one :P
slurp: try the local pet store
slurp: between the hamsters and the iguanas
triskele: If I was to marry a god or goddess, I'd wanna marry...
triskele: wait
triskele: can't I just have several torrid love affairs?
AlephCult: triskele: of course
AlephCult: Venus would probably indulge
AlephCult: Or Pan if you're into a kinky goat-man
triskele: I'd wanna fuck the morrigan.
triskele: no goat men for me

AlephCult: hel always gives me the willies
beast77: al:yeah(pant,pant)
AlephCult: beast77: not THAT kind of willie :P

AlephCult wants to fuck like a bunny on valentine's day, damn it!

AlephCult: THRAKAZOG: well what can I say to a street kid?
ZlivingGo: "Wanna buy some dope"?


THRAKAZOG: so does that mean give up before its started
AlephCult: NO
AlephCult: listen to me
AlephCult: Give it a shit
AlephCult: shot
THRAKAZOG shits for a second

ZlivingGo: I need sex.
AlephCult: speaking of which, I'm going to go download some porno

ack: the aliens came and fucked shit up

Augoras: anyone know where nsync is next playing?

AlephCult: hey elec. I'm spending my friday night with porn and IRC. yay

AlephCult: gen: I'm alone with porn and IRC all night
BethCult: Aleph: sounds like my average night.

triskele: thank the godforms for CHOCLATE PUDDING

triskele: but it's the best pudding in the world
triskele: and ...it's...almost....*cries* gone!
triskele: I might just wither away and die
Arawyn: There should be more in local stores. They got soooo much of it, they even have to sell it ;)

Squink: some sex would be good right now.

AlephCult wonders where he can get human skin to make into a book
Arawyn: try the mortuary.
AlephCult: hmm, I don't know if I have the balls to try that
Arawyn: Should we check whether you have balls at all? ;)
AlephCult: Oh I have them. I don't like them, but they're there
MaxKaote: are they large and sweaty?
AlephCult: MaxKaote: I don't know what qualifies as large, but they do sweat

Arawyn has changed the topic to And horny Zees stalk the channel, desperately trying to get laid
AlephCult: awar: we're not trying to get laid, we're here moping about not getting laid. get yer facts straight.
Arawyn: Ah, so your still at first stage?
AlephCult: awar: huh?
Arawyn: 1st stage: bitching that you don't get laid.
Arawyn: 2nd stage, which is rarely achieved for some reason: trying to get laid
Arawyn: 3rd stage, getting laid, even rarer than 2nd :)

MaxKaote: i'm serious... any time you need a hand-job... just come to me (no pun intended)

Roachz: i hate dancing
Roachz: all dancers should be shot

Woden: Aug, you are a man, right?
Augoras: no, woden, I'm a small trembling child

threejane: you'd think freaks would know how to spell their own label

Woden: why is it that all the people in this room are sexualy screwed up one way or another?

threejane: nether nether is kind of a nice combo though
Augoras: wasn't that invented in the netherlands?

Woden: Anything other then natural intercourse i consider to be a perversion of the natural order of things

Woden: what does S & M mean again?

Augoras: woden, odo cicle qaa!
Augoras: ol sonf vorsg boho iad balt lanzo woden capzirdo
Augoras: (i don't need to copy & paste my enochian)

Retro^: how do we know that britney spears got nice breasts?
Retro^: they might be fake
Retro^: plus
Retro^: they might be iccky in real life
Retro^: plus
Retro^: she is a teenager

Retro^: are we still talking about breasts?

Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: .
Seek0: Hmm..
Seek0: Kick me bitch!
Seek0: Damnit.

Genix: See, masturbation is purely for temporary removal of boredom. Oh, and it's good for a little of that magick stuff.

threejane: how is your head, zos?
zosX: uh
zosX giggles
zosX: fine fine :)
Arawyn: Are you sure about that?
zosX: I didn't drink THAT much :)
zosX: what do you mean arawyn? ;)
Arawyn: Did you get a second opinion for your head? ;)
zosX: yes
zosX: my diagnosis was excellent ;)
zosX: this is silly
zosX: I must go take a shower
zosX: with a cute girl...
Arawyn: ... made of plastic?
TiamatZ^: he's going to wash his barbie?

TiamatZ^: are you a mastermind?
TiamatZ^: Like just 9% of the population you are a MASTERMIND (SIAT). You can be silent and withdrawn, but behind your reserved exterior lies an active mind that allows you to analyze situations and come up with creative, unexpected solutions. Normal people call this "scheming." Don't learn German.
Arawyn: Experimenter
Arawyn: Don't learn German? LOL

TiamatZ^: Anyway, your sense of style and originality are your strengths, and people will respect your judgment once they get to know you. If you learn to be a little more personable, you could be a great leader--you've definitely got the "vision" thing down. Just make sure all the plotting you do behind those eyes of yours is healthy.
TiamatZ^: healthy plots. hahha
Arawyn: healthy for whom ;)
TiamatZ^: for me

zEgg has changed the topic to Britney Spears got really nice *breasts*. But where?
TiamatZ^: at the surgeons

Squink: JUDGE
Squink: (Dominant Introvert Concrete Thinker )
Squink: Jonathan Blake
Squink: Like just 3% of the population you are a JUDGE (DICT). Your affinity for facts and analytical approach to life help you some complex problems and make tough decisions that others cannot. But don't think you don't act like a bitch a lot of the time. You jump into arguments and hold grudges like crazy. Try jumping into the sack and holding buttocks, instead. You could probably use some love.
Squink: While some may see you as a bit overbearing and arrogant, your friends know that you are a trustworthy person with depth and a strong sense of righteousness. Although you are introverted and somewhat reserved, you have a forceful personality that your friends appreciate and your enemies fear. God help them. God help all of us.
Squink: ok so like
Squink: im just gonna nod and agree or something

Blue_Rat: Squink: by the by, what was that ritual for finding dosh in your pockets all about once again?
Blue_Rat: It strikes me as though the actual ritual was a very silly one (wiccan?) - but my memory might be failing me these days 
Blue_Rat: no sigils, no postmodern chaote stuff, just fluffy old wicca? Actually working?

Blue_Rat: Hey Max - are you the bloke in the army?

AlephCult has changed the topic to George W. Bush got really nice *breasts*. But where?

ult: I wanted to but she got upset when I gave her some weird "signs"
BenwayMD: What kind of weird signs? Goetic sigils? That kind of thing?

MaxKaote: no no... fag is american slang for 'gay person'. because they're always smoking each other, and because people from alabama want to light them up

BenwayMD: What first attracted me to the system is that the Enochian word for god is MAD.

BenwayMD: Where the hell is Mercutio?
AlephCult: out of here, thank goodness

BenwayMD: Well, I should be going.
BenwayMD: There is a pretty church that I need to desecrate on the way home.

ZlivingGo: I could just get alot of shy people for friends.
AlephCult: well except shy people are shy and stuff
ZlivingGo: Maybe shy people arnt shy around shy people.

AlephCult: Thee Holy of Holy Messiahs (tm), i.e. me, does not recognize the authority of any government, organization, or deity.

teckyong: zallak: go ogle at your half sister instead of wasting time on playstation. u will NEVER get any sexual high from your playstation! ;p

AlephCult: and I abso-fucking-lutely refuse to go to a frat party
AlephCult: ZlivingGo: because I despise fraternities and everything they stand for as well as the people in them
KrimHum: Fraternities stand for something?
AlephCult: KrimHum: pack mentality
KrimHum: lol
ZlivingGo: My first act in seattle will be to drag your ass to frat party.
KrimHum: Well, you better stay out of corporate life, out of malls, and inside your room, then. Pack mentality is everywhere.
AlephCult: ZlivingGo: fuck a bunch of that shit. I'm not going near a frat party
KrimHum: Aleph is letting the fear of pack mentality back him into a social corner. How nice.
AlephCult: KrimHum: okay how about this: Frat assholes are STUPID
AlephCult: I am not.
KrimHum: What, are you afraid you might actually LIKE one of the frat boys?
KrimHum: Oh, so you're letting your traumas rule you, Aleph?
Roachz: frat boys suck ass
AlephCult: KrimHum: how about this: shove it up you ass.
AlephCult: KrimHum: I'm trying to meet people here, yo. Just not idiots.

GoRaiders: jammies just aren't needed in florida. it's silly .
GoRaiders: oh, which reminds me, has anyone here seen my Spiderman underoos?

MaxKaote has changed the topic to *lurk lurk*
KrimHum: Uh oh. Max lives.
ZlivingGo has changed the topic to *fart fart*

KrimHum waits for the part with the gerbils and the cable repair man.
TiamatZ^: KrimHum! how'd you know what I was thinking
KrimHum: telepathology
TiamatZ^: the gerbils got strings tied to their tails now, he's learned from experiencve
GoRaiders: gerbils can be quite mad when aroused.
GoRaiders: gerbils have nasty teeth.
TiamatZ^: you know, if gerbils poop in your anus, can that make you sick THRAKAZOG
TiamatZ^: THRAKAZOG you should defend your reputation. You only do _pretty_ gerbils
THRAKAZOG has changed the topic to Chocolate fudge cake for all as the gerbil stares fondly out of your arse

GoRaiders: [17:19] <A0ZZ1C718: L0KATING LOST KATS AND CHiLDREN.
GoRaiders: [17:19] <A0ZZ1C718: 2) A.'.A.'. STUDENT 0F REGiS PHILBEN.
GoRaiders: [17:19] <A0ZZ1C718: 3) KAN LEViTATE ON KOMMAND.
GoRaiders: [17:19] <A0ZZ1C718: 4) i RUN AN HGA GR00MING SERVICE.
GoRaiders: that's my kind of magician...

Roachz: have any of you guys ever workd at a gas station?
AlephCult: I've never worked

GoRaiders: krim... sometimes a penis is just a penis.

Seek0: I went to Church today.
Roachz: ..........
Roachz: .....
ZlivingGo gasps
Seek0: Anglo-Catholic. Episcipalian.
Seek0: Totally Orthodox.
Seek0: Like..
AlephCult: was it scary?
Seek0: Totally fscking mystical...
Roachz: did they analy violate u?
Seek0: incense and chanting and bells and everything.
Seek0: Freaking COOL.
Roachz: .....
ZlivingGo: Was there a virgin with candle stuck up her ass too?
Seek0: No, nothing like that.
AlephCult: well why not?!
ZlivingGo: That just rude.
AlephCult: Seek is a devout Xian! STONE HIM!

Tiamat^: teckyong does happy gerbil man sound familiar?
teckyong: who's gerbil man?
<ZlivingGo: me?
ZlivingGo: The gerbils hide in your ass.
Kali screams obsenitys as the universe collapses
Kali: how did my name get associated with gerbils

ZlivingGo: Psst! aleph's real name is rebecca.